week 9 I Am Behind

    My life right now is filled with an unbelievable amount of stress. I am currently on food stamps and every year in around this time, I have to find every scrap of financial information from the last three months, drag it all into the DHHS office, swearing and affirming that it really is my information. After all the time I have taken to find it, taken an afternoon off to drag it all into the DHHS office sitting for hours waiting for my number to be called and my case to be processed, I usually find out at this point that I have forgotten at least two items absolutely necessary for the food stamps/MaineCare to continue. I now have to hang on to all said documents and find the missing pieces because since I qualify for these items, I am going to need them for an appointment with Penquis Cap for my heating allowance. At that appointment, I get told I am missing four pieces of information, because it is doubly more important than food stamps. By the end of the appointment I grab all my paperwork, which I cram into my Algebra II book because I was under the impression I would actually get to study the stupid equations while I was waiting to be seen, (I call them stupid because if they can't solve themselves how am I supposed to do it?), and I head back to my classes.
    My week consists of classes on Tuesday (Algebra and American Sign Language). Wednesday I work for 6 hours and then have classes in the afternoon into the evening (Anatomy/Physiology classes with a lab immediately following) Thursday is a repeat of Tuesday except at the end of my day I help out at my American Legion Hall with their weekly Bingo night. Tuesday and Thursdays I also work at the gym on campus for a couple hours a day for my Federal Work Study Program. That gives me Friday to Monday to do all the homework for those classes and then to do the work for two online English classes, plus laundry, shopping, and cooking for the following week if need be. It is after all October/November by now and the trailer needs to be buttoned up for the winter, windows caulked, leaves raked, plastic up, and furnace cleaned.
   Monday night I have to take my granddaughter to her basketball practice. Every other Tuesday I have a meeting at the hall for the Legion and the Legion Ladies Auxiliary, of which I hold dual memberships, I literally have to be in both meetings at the same time which luckily are in the same building, I have taken to sitting in the doorway so I can listen to both meetings. Recently I have taken on the position of Secretary for the Ladies Auxiliary as Jeannette who was the elected secretary was no longer able to handle the stress of the job.
   I have raised my three kids and I am now in the process of trying to get my husband's son through high school. It is not looking promising for accomplishing that with this child. He is going to go down a different road than the other kids. His father's road I guess, which ended up in prison, for a long stretch. I keep wanting to mention something about falling apples and trees here but I guess I will pass on that opportunity. This is not my son's first brush with the legal system and I am pretty sure it is not going to be his last. I go to church almost every Sunday with the grandkids and we have a potluck there once a month, I bring the grandkids, all three of them.
   I am on unemployment so every week I have to call the Unemployment office and tell them how many hours I worked this week and what my total check was. Then once every six weeks I have to send in a work log of everyone I have applied for a job with. I am responsible for keeping the lights on, the phone running, the internet working, the sewer connected, the taxes paid and the water pumping, the furnace heating, the car insured and the full of gas, the kid in school and his homework done. I have homework and work assignments due for 6 of my own classes. Plus the little old lady that I cart all over town once or twice a week.
  I lately have begun to wonder what would happen if for some reason I just ran away.  I mean really, what would happen if I took my car and went to the coast for the week or two, just to watch the sunrise and the sunset off the waters of the Atlantic? I am thinking the personal private worlds of everybody who has anything to do with my life would come to a grinding halt, I would probably hear my name bandied about on the radio as a missing person. I would probably have to be careful as the police would be looking for me thinking I had come to foul play or a mental snap.
   I know my granddaughter Halle, would be having a drama fest, with my son-in-law right there with her. Little Mercedes who is only four would walk around to everyone saying, "Cmon, what is your problem? Nana only went shopping." That is Mercedes answer to everything. Go shopping. Damien is a quiet little fella when deeply upset or scared; he is a good grandson, always trying to share stuff with me so I know he loves me very much. He does not willingly share a toothpick with a pine tree. He would be in his room under the blanket I got him with his favorite stuffed dog.
   Most of the world would of course go on with out me, my classes would continue for which I would receive a zero; there go my good grades. The red tape that I have to deal with on a weekly, monthly, quarterly, semi-annually and yearly basis would get considerably more snarled, taking longer to unsnarl then before my get away but it would get straightened out.
   My children however would have a hissy fit the size of the Maine coastline. The shock of not being able to tell me what to do might just kill them. They seem to need to speak to me every day or email me of their exploits overseas. I told my oldest son once that he could talk to me about his issues of the war as a mother and as a veteran, if he had to be tough enough to live the war, I could be tough enough to hear about it. I am not sure that was a wise statement, but I have held true to my word and we have cried together a few times.
   My son who is still at home, whom I love very much is a so busy being a teenager that I think he would not really mind very much, he might throw a party. When I do make it back home I will probably have to scoop the teenagers off the top of my trailer with a shovel, rolling them down the river bank and letting the water carry their snoring carcasses away down the river. They will wake up before they hit the dam. I will have to take Mercedes and go grocery shopping as there will not be one scrap of food left in the house, and I will owe the neighbors something I am sure.
  The boys that are in the service, when learning of my disappearance, would contact the Red Cross to come home and help search for me, this of course would necessitate informing the Army, the Marine Corps and the Air Force that one of their service members is missing a parent. I do not think the small town police could handle all those congressional investigations and inquiries.
    My daughter who lives with just as much stress as I do would be getting every WalMart in Maine to help look for her Mommy, that is not even close to an exaggeration. She has hives if she does not talk to me every day as it is.
   My husband is up for parole in a couple of weeks and not being able to communicate with me frequently would cause another stroke for him. 'Where is she,' and, 'what is she doing,' being urgent need-to-be-answered-right-now questions for him. He is not very good at waiting for answers.
   I am quite sure that the Legion would truly miss me if I disappeared for a couple of weeks, as I get phone calls 2 or 3 times a week about Hall/Bingo/Legion/Auxilliary business. There is a lot of veterans in Maine who want to prove they are still just as capable as they were in the service and God help us all they would set up patrols. Those old salts know how to get a big job done.
  One small thing that really would happen is that I would actually get some rest, recharging my batteries to deal with the problems that come up on a day-to-day basis, which for a short time, would be a bit more snarled but then eventually, unlike my Algebra II equations, would straighten themselves out. Maybe I really ought to run away this week... before I have to have my surgery on Thursday.