Pipes Away!

 
     A year ago I bought my .19 acres on the Piscataquis River from a guy who out bid me at an auction put on by the town. The town claimed the property when the people living there in a different trailer had the misfortune of having a tree fall on their trailer; not being able to afford a new trailer, they had let the property go to the town. I hired a fella to demolish the old trailer and clean up the lot, which he did. He was also supposed to move my trailer to it and set it up, which at the last minute he could not do. Now I have to pay another person to move my trailer and set it up. He gets it moved over there but then he tells me he doesn't set trailers up. My son-in-law says, "I will do it for you, just make me meatloaf."  I thought for a minute and yup ok sounds good to me.
     I did not know that was the beginning of my downfall. I had originally paid the first fella to set the trailer up, then I had paid the second guy as well, but they don't do the setting up. My son-in-law tried to help and sort of got things level but not being a plumber, his pipes fell apart less than a couple of days after he swore it was all set. He tried to fix it the night they blew apart but I was pretty sure, when he went out with the duct tape and a flashlight, that he was out of his depths with the plumbing. My money for getting everything set up had run out since I had paid everyone to tell me that they do not 'do' setting up trailers, and my church finally agreed to help me out and that brought me to Greg, my plumber.
     Greg is a very nice man and a licensed plumber and he did the work of setting up my sewer lines and waterlines and insulating everything for me with heat tape, all for the grand total of $524.67. He came under  bid he says. I believe it. He was paid the bid anyway. I have been living in the trailer happily flushing ever since, up until about 3 weeks ago.
     Three weeks ago, I was admiring my beautiful clean river. I am not foolish to think that the water was drinkable clean but it was getting there, until I came along. As I am hanging out the laundry, I hear the distinct sounds of running water and after looking around I see water coming out from a pipe that is jutting out just over the edge of my river bank which is a fiftyish foot almost-sheer drop, and oh my, the pipe is coming from the direction of my trailer. I ran in the house and after filling up the washer and hitting the spin cycle, I then ran back outside to watch. Oh what a sight, and then WOW what a smell. At first my reaction is to do nothing, what is one person's raw sewerage, really? Then about an eighth of a second later, I realize that I cannot do that, so I call my friend Jay.
     Jay is a really nice fella and is good friends with my husband. When my husband became tied up out of town, Jay told him he would help me out if I needed it. Well, I was thinking that I needed it about then. So the next day that Jay has off, he comes over and takes a look at my pipes. "Geez, Leisa all your pipes are good, no leaks or anything. It is the pipes under the ground and those belong to the town. They are the town's sewer lines, they must have burst or broke or something. The town has to come out and look at them, this is on them."
     "Are you sure Jay," I ask, "because once I call the town I can't pretend I didn't." Jay nods and tells me he is sure. So I call the town. They came right out. I was really impressed with the speed of their response. Most ambulances don't even have that kind of response time.
     The town tells me they are only responsible for the pipes leading up to the first stub(the end of the pipe that hooks into the main line). "Ok," I ask, "where is the first stub?" The town guy looks at my lawn and rubs his chin for a minute, consults a paper and looks at my lawn again then points to a spot about 6 inches off the road onto my lawn. The rest of it is your pipes, he says and by the way the stub and accompanying pipes are listed as 5 1/2 feet down.
      At this point I call Greg, my plumber. Greg, comes right over. It is after all his name on the original permit that says he made sure everything was up to code, and the fact that I was maybe hyperventilating on the phone may have had something to do with it as well. I now have Jay, who is arguing with the Town Plumbing Inspector about who's pipes are where, and Greg who is trying to explain things to my son-in-law, who had come right over with my daughter and then tried to tell me what the plumbing inspector, Jay, and Greg the Plumber, have all told me, already. I am crying and my daughter is trying to tell me my son-in-law will take care of everything (Remember he is the one who tried to fix the pipes with duct tape). I may have cried harder at that one.
     The long and short of it is, that we have in the course of digging up my whole front and back yard looking for a pipe that is 5 and 1/2 feet under ground, found a septic tank. Which means that I am not hooked to the town sewer system. The tank is old and rotted, the tank lid having fallen apart and dirt is falling in to the tank. Did I mention the tank is under my trailer...literally? Now I have to hook up to the town sewer system and start paying a bill. Greg the plumber who felt bad, is only charging me 75.00 to turn all the sewer lines around from the back side of the trailer to the front. The town says I am not in any trouble. I am thinking at this point if I am, so is the plumbing inspector, and the town. My husband has told me to put a lid on the tank, have the lines hooked up and he will take care of everything when he comes home, maybe next February.
     The situation is still ongoing and each day seems to bring a new chapter to the saga. There are four trenches of varying lengths and depths in the front and back yards as well as a several holes, all of them at least four feet deep and some deeper. My father called a few days ago and I told him about what was happening. After I finished, there was a long pause, and all Dad said to me was, "You have what is known as 'a fluid situation' on your hands."  He could not even say it with a straight face...